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Patterns of Family Belonging - Are Your Loyalties Holding You Back?

December 02, 2020 3:00 PM | Carolyn Winter (Administrator)

Perhaps one of the strongest human life needs for survival is a sense of belonging particularly to our family or group. Many cultures have traditionally had strict rules for the behavior and loyalties of family members that  govern the life we live.  In fact according to Family Constellation author, the late Bert Hellinger, every family system is ruled by its collective consciousness of unspoken rules.  Most  of us are unaware the rules exist but we obey them just the same. 

The rules govern how we show loyalty in our work, career, relationships, enjoyment of life, our health and more. They are also unconscious or invisible but like a computer virus, they run our brain and make autonomic decisions for us and creating feelings of shame, guilt or embarrassment if we break them. 

Originally all rules were set to keep family members safe, reinforce their group identity and create a sense of personal power. You see this strongly displayed when there is a world cup soccer tournament and everyone is cheering for their group's team.

However, when we outgrow our groups rules we may find it difficult to pursue our dreams and goals if they now exceed the limits of our group. We can find ourselves hanging onto negative patterns or ways of being that demonstrates our love and loyalty to the group at the price of de-energizing our own life circumstances.

In order to grow, an individual is often faced with the prospect of breaking the rules of the family or group. Its a wretched state where we can feel very very guilty. The guilt can be so prohibitive that we may give up on our own goals in order to remain an approved member. Our growth stops.  If we do pursue our goals and dreams our sense of guilt will eventually sabotage our efforts. 

What can we do????  Spend time in reflection where you review the recent decisions you have made and become aware of how your groups rules helped you make a decision.  Notice if you made the decision willingly or out of a sense of obligation or to not let your family down.  Particularly if you made a decision you where you said 'yes' to something when you would rather have said 'no'... did you say yes to keep your family system happy?   Resolve to make a better choice to support yourself in the future. 

I also offer specific Family Constellation repatternings where these issues are specifically addressed.  We'll identify the non-coherent family patterns that you are ready to let go of and demonstrate your love and loyalty to your family with new more positive ways of being. When you resonate with healthier ways of belonging and being loyal, your family system will receive the energy of your new vibratory state, and the new way of being. Over time, the rules for belonging are updated and expanded. Your personal growth and love for family then helps everyone grow. Over time, the sense of guilt will also fade away.  

What goal or intention do you have that you feel is blocked by your family ties and unconscious group rules?

In what ways do you feel held back by your family?

with love and light 

Carolyn 

PS - or join the next PHD - Ancestral Echoes group session on this topic

Contact Carolyn Winter 
Phone: 416-763-6306
Email: carolyn@lighttravels.com

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Copyright by Carolyn Winter 2020.  All rights reserved.

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