Belonging Versus Becoming:
Growing Beyond the Rules of Your Group
Tuesday October 25th 2022 at 1:00PM Eastern
[10:00am Pacific | 11:00am Mountain | 12:00p Central | 6:00pm London UK]
What happens when our life vision goals and intentions clashes what our group will allow?
All groups have their public rules of belonging, and also have unspoken rules that guide expectations of its members.
- A rule in the policy book could say "in our work place we honor human rights", but the unspoken rule is that employees know they will be treated better if they hide their sexual orientation
- It might be an understood rule that everyone donates money at church but an unspoken expectation of how much
- Or one's family/cultural rules could openly state that people in the family marry within our group, and everyone is expected to rigidly maintain the family traditions, including the level of education attained or be ostracized
Whether we notice these "rules" or not, they will consciously or unconsciously support our well-being - and sometimes hold us back from living our full potential. Uncovering these rules for ourselves and deciding whether or not to abide by them, can be the basis of many difficult choices in our life.
My Aha! Moment: A few years ago, I heard a podcast with Human Development philosopher Ken Wilber. At one point he said, "Members of a group cannot mature (grow up through levels of adult development) past the current level of development of its founder or leader". To remain in the group, members would have to sacrifice their own potential (dim their own light) or fall away from the group to support their own growth.
It landed like an apple on my head!
The podcast, to my shock, had illuminated for me, how much reverence I had placed with my earlier teachers and mentors and how that reverence had at certain times stopped me from doing big things career wise, with what I learned.
I didn't want to accept my idols and teachers had reached their limit. There's nothing inherently bad about their capacity being fully expressed, that they had done enough for themselves, but it was important for me to notice where I was limiting myself to stay under their tutelage or part of the community around them.
Since that time, I have noticed that pattern in many clients. It's often hidden and masked as other issues. Make no mistake, an inner conflict is underfoot between what the group expects and what you want. Outwardly it can manifest as constant conflicts with group members, relationship issues, money issues, health issues etc. Inwardly we can suffer from anxiety and stress, as we sacrifice our well-being and joy to stay connected. Sometimes that anxiety is a fear of "being found out" and sometimes it's another form of grief from feeling separate inside the group.
Think of your membership with a group that is important to you. A group could be your family, cultural group, work team, association membership, sports team, school or religious group etc.
How does the rules of your group support you? What does it give you that is positive?
How do these same rules hold you back from achieving your life vision or other intentions or from achieving your full potential?
Exploring the patterns of belonging to various groups is one of 7 or more levels of adult development in my Integral Life Repatterning Process. Group Belonging is mid-way up the spiral of awareness known as the Traditional Conformist. Resonating with the best of our groups' rules can help us feel less anxious or stressed, safe and secure. Identifying and energetically clearing our group belonging issues can help us to feel more whole, fulfilled, focused and complete.
Resonate with balancing the rules of belonging versus becoming your full potential in my next Personal Holographic Discovery Group session
In this repatterning we will...
- Identify and clear resonance with the group rules that hinder our success
- Name intentions for growth and well-being that also supports our life vision intention
- Identify the coherent qualities that will help us build a coherent Life Story that includes a healthy sense of belonging to our group
This repatterning will help us to:
- overcome the associated guilt related to breaking any group rules in order to grow
- clear our inner conflicts related to group belonging
- take action on our life vision intention
- feel at peace with our decisions
- tell a better story about our how our life is working out.
Ready to resonate with the best of your group's rules ?
Join me for the next PHD Repatterning Tuesday October 25th at 1:00pm Eastern - Belonging Versus Becoming: Growing beyond the rules of your group
With light and love
PS - Group sessions are always fun to do with a friend so you can support each other's progress. Check out my "bring a friend" option when you register.
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